ROB(BING) HELL

The biblically-proportioned storm currently raging in the U.S. over 'Hipper-Than-Thou' pastor Rob Bell's new book "Love Wins" looks so different from out here at the end of Africa. Don't you think? 


More like a storm in a tea-cup.


Like jealous minor celebrities squabbling over who's boss of the sand pit.


And also, like what it probably really is, a massive payday for HarperOne, Twitter, Mars Hill, John Piper, Time magazine and everyone else who's risen to the surface.


The essence of it all is Rob's new book, subtitled 'A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived'. It's Famous Pastor musing, really, and an interesting addition to a debate that began organically years ago: what does it really really really mean to call yourself a 'Christian'? 


John Piper set Twitter on fire with a three-word tweet: "Farewell Rob Bell". Neo-Calvinist (read: tone-deaf Christian fundamentalist, pretty-much-everyone-goes-to-hell-except-people-who-buy-my-books") Piper insists he meant "Fare Well Rob Bell". Dagnabit, AutoCorrect sucks hey John?


If you live in America and are an Evangelical who thinks Rob Bell rules (and of course, Brian McLaren just goes too far), then this will all feel very close to home. You attack Rob, you attack Jesus, basically. Even you, John Piper.


Out here in Africa, it looks more like a publishing war, followed closely by a social networking Event. Cynical? Moi? 


People's ideas about heaven and hell will change naturally. 
On their own. Over time.


We do not need to be led into a revolution by celebrities.


We can think for ourselves.


And Christianity, as with all religion, will evolve.


Yes, I used the word evolve.

IDIOCRACY

My President informed the nation over the weekend that God has taken sides in South Africa, and that He is decidedly in the ANC’s corner. If that wasn’t enough, my President then said that a vote for the ANC in the upcoming municipal elections was a vote for heaven, and a vote for the opposition was a vote for hell. The Honourable Mr Zuma proclaimed the carrying of an ANC membership card as a sign of heaven’s blessing, and party spokesman Jackson Mthembu stood by these statements this morning with this: “We are, therefore, in agreement with the president that not voting for the ANC is tantamount to throwing your vote in burning hell”.

This has, of course, caused an uproar in our liberal democracy. As it should. Not because these statements are ‘offensive’, ‘blasphemous’ or even incendiary, all of which are matters of opinion. No, Mr Zuma’s remarks are merely stupid. We really are heading into Idiocracy, what with these “ANC=heaven” proclamations from On High, and Julius Malema eating sushi from Down Low. The burning question is: how did a nation like South Africa end up with people like this in charge? Do we deserve this? After all we endured and fought for and hoped for and prayed for? Is the legacy of Luthuli, Tambo, Tutu, Sisulu and Mandela going to be a cabal of tuna-munching, champagne-guzzling, bling-flinging morons?

Jackson Mthembu closed his statement with this absolute pearler: “Those who are ‘alarmed’ by [Zuma’s] expression are probably driven by jealousy for not having thought of the expression themselves.”

People of SA, these are our leaders!

They’re not blaspheming Anti-Christs, don’t let that distract you.

They’re just plain common-or-garden idiots.

The question really is, how do we get rid of them and get back to the business of forging a strong, vibrant, inclusive democracy?

Is that even still possible?

Your suggestions, please.